Buttfucking Movie of the Week: Monty Python and the Holy Grail

To start off, this is the best comedy I have ever seen in my life. Nothing beats Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Jam packed with the most memorable lines, scenes and the best ending in a film, this is one comedy you have yo watch. Simply put, the story is about King Arthur (Graham Chapman) and his Knights of the Round Table in the quests to find the Holy Grail. The adventure leads them to fighting a knight that would not die, discussing the virtues of communism, battling the Rabbit of Caerbannog, getting ass kicked by the French, seeking shelter in a castle full of women and leading to the final epic battle to take the Holy Grail.

For those that lived under a rock, Monty Python is a Brit comedy group comprising of Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, Eric Idle and Michael Palin playing multiple roles in the film. Also, the group write the film with Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam directing. I would like to see a reunion but after the death of Graham Chapman in 1989, that wouldn't be possible. Being the comedic personas they are, during Chapman's funeral, John Cleese delivered the eulogy which goes as such:

Graham Chapman, co-author of the "Parrot Sketch", is no more.

He has ceased to be. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. He's kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky. And I guess that we're all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, of such capability for kindness, of such unusual intelligence, should now so suddenly be spirited away at the age of only forty-eight, before he'd achieved many of the things of which he was capable, and before he'd had enough fun.

Well, I feel that I should say: nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, I hope he fries.

And the reason I feel I should say this is he would never forgive me if I didn't, if I threw — threw away this glorious opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him but mindless good taste…

All right Cleese. I know you are very proud of being the very first person ever to say 'shit' on British television. If this service is really for me: Just for starters, I want you to become the first person ever at a British memorial service to say 'fuck'

The film itself is a marvel to watch. Its the weirdness of it all that makes it so fucking funny. There is a sort of sophisticaiton and wit in Brit humour that makes the film so deep. Each actor brings a different character to stage. Like I said before, this film is packed with the most memorable scenes and here is one of them. The confrontation between Arthur and the Black Knight who proclaims that having an arm cut off is 'Tis but a scratch'

And of course my favourite part, the fight with the Rabbit of Caerbannog. This film is a gold mine in laughs.

Or when Tim the Enchanter makes an appearance.

Or in the scene where the undertaker calls out upon people to bring out the dead.

And all this is just a small portion of what the film is. Monty Python and the Holy Grail is always included in any top comedy list has to be one of the most referenced and paid homage in films, comic books, novels, video games and TV shows from Superman to the Simpsons to Shrek to even commercials like Gatorade. Not watching this film is like missing out of a significant moment in pop culture. All the jokes you see in comedies of today, all influenced by Monty Python. Its funny, smart, witty, memorable, has great characters and the best ending EVER!

Other Monty Python films would include:

Monty Python's Life of Brian

Monty Python and the Meaning of Life

COD: Modern Warfare 2's Juggernauts

One of the most recognizable sounds in Modern Warfare 2's Special Ops mode is when the Juggernaut arrives in the level. It sounds eerily similar to the echoing 'BUUM' in the Inception trailers. Sweat drips down your cheeks as you scan the radar for the enemy blimp. You see it and point your gun in that direction. Its the fucking Juggernaut coming your fucking way. This assholes can take a shitload of bullets and regardless will always, and I fucking mean ALWAYS rush forward. Shot them in the head with a sniper? No, shit. He's just dazed and still rushing your way with a heavy machine gun.

You can be halway through a level in Spec Ops and then the Juggernaut appears. When you hear the 'BUUM' sound, its time to get fucking serious.



My brother and I play Spec Ops on veteran. Its hard. Fucking hard. We unlocked the last modes in Spec Ops and you know what one of the levels said? Kill 10 Juggernauts using nothing but a knife and explosives. That's fucking hardcore. Will attempt that this weekend.

Films Worthy Of The 'Mind Blown' Tag

Inception has arrived and it seems it is here to stay. A superb film which is a mix of the Matrix, Dark City, Memento and The Thirteenth Floor features a great cast, nicely executed special effects, original, interesting concepts, smart and potentially the best of 2010. However, it also seems that many people as shown on Facebook label Inception as 'blowing their minds'. I didn't get my 'mind blown' watching Inception surely. And thus, this list is dedicated to showcassing films worthy of really blowing your mind.

BRAZIL (1985)

Its a satrical view totalitarian control of society, the mundane boring life of said society that uses consumerism to distract themselves from the futility of their lives. Follwing the life of average low level government worker Sam Lowry (Jonathan Pryce) who frequently has dreams of himself in a different world where he is the hero fighting off monsters and saving a beautiful damsel in distress. Along the way, he finds said girl in dreams, Jill Layton (Kim Greist) and does whatever he can to save her life which could be in danger and meets renegade air conditioning repairman Harry Tuttle (Robert De Niro). Terry Gilliam has created a fantastic world with wacky hilarious machines and generally let his imagination and creativity explode from every pulse. Mind you, this was from 1985, but the special effects still manage to look like a marvel.

What blew my mind: The surreal dream sequences and the ending.

FIGHT CLUB (1999)

The most controversial film in 1999, David Fincher brought Fight Club to life from the equally controversial novel of the same name. Tells the story of the Narrator (Edward Norton) as he lives his average mundane life. He is inflicted with insomnia and through his own way managed to shut it out until he met Marla Singer (Helena Bonham Carter). He grows more and more depressed and confused with the direction of his life, and then he meets Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt). Tyler Durden is what the Narrator aspires to be and what everyone wants to be; cool, rebelious, philosophical, inspiring, ambitious and with a devil may care attitude. The Narrator admires him and with Durden's help, manages to free himself from the constrains of the world. Together they create Fight Club, a place for men to unleash their aggresiveness and to be free. This is where Wanted got the idea from. Also, like Brazil, it deals with consumerism distracting us from our lives and how the media expects us to be like.

What blew my mind: The twist and the philosophy surrounding the film.

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971)

Stanley Kubrick's primary masterpiece and also most controversial film of the decade and still is, A Clockwork Orange is also one of the best films I've ever watched. Set in the not so distant future Alex (Malcolm McDowell) is leader of a gang who partake in a daily routine of ultra violence, rape, drinking drug laced milk, listening to Beethoven and of course killing old women with sculpted penises (only happens one time though which lands Alex in prison, it is a funny scene which is fucked up for me to say that). In prison, Alex undergoes a government test, the Ludvico which would 'cure' Alex of all his sexual and violent desires. It doesn't cure him but instead creates pain in his body everytime he thinks of doing something violent or sexual. Kubrick takes us into the frame of violence and to understand its nature. This film has a chockload of memorable scenes which are memorable for its disturbing nature. The film is naturally a satire. A satire on violence, sex, views on violence, the government and moral decay.

What blew my mind: The dialog (Half Shakespearian and half Brit slang), the ending, the extremely well executed scenes of violence and sex, the question it leaves the viewers and of course Malcolm McDowell's superb acting.

OLDBOY (2003)

Based on the manga of the same name, Oldboy which was directed by Korean Park Chan-Wook received international acclaim upon release and is due for a US remake with Will Smith (Seriously, stop remaking good movies). Oldboy tells of Oh Dae-Su (Choi Min-Sik) getting drunk at the bar on his daughter's birthday. When his friend bails him out from the police station and takes him home, along the way Dae-Su disappears and his friend is bewildered. Couple of months later, we see Dae-Su confined in a hotel room of unknown location. For fifteen years, Dae-Su endured in this room not knowing why this is happening to him. He is drugged released on top of a building roof and only has one thing on his mind; why was he locked up for 15 years and who did this to him. Along the way, the puzzle unravels and watching this film was a thrill. Never a dull moment. Dae-Su narrates his tale and the way he does makes the film feel very poetic with every line and moment having a significant meaning.

What blew my mind: Finding out the truth, brilliantly executed scenes (the balcony scene) and the essence film itself: powerful. The film was powerful.

12 MONKEYS (1995)

Another Gilliam classic, one way to describe this film would be; a darker 1985 Brazil with elements of sci-fi. James Cole (Bruce Willis) is a convicted criminal in the future. The future is bleak with a virus which was unleashed in 1997 caused the Earth to be uninhabitable and humans now live underground. Scientists in that time are able to create a time machine and Cole is offered a pardon if he can go back in time using the machine and stop the virus from ever being released. His first clue to the virus is Jeffrey Goines (Brad Pitt) who is a mental patient at an asylum. Cole keeps having dreams of which when he was a child and saw a man in an airport getting shot by security and along the way begins to question his sanity after meeting Dr. Kathryn Raily (Madeleine Stowe) and wonders if there is no virus and he isn't from the future.

What blew my mind: The time travelling aspects, ending, the weird nature of the film and issues raised on human existence.

MEMENTO (2000)

Christopher Nolan's first film, one of my favourites and his all time best. Before Inception, this was it. Not wanting to stretch this, read why its so awesome here.

What blew my mind: The reverse chronology of the plot, the theme of self deception, the twist and the ending

ALMOST ANY DAVID LYNCH FILM

I've yet to watch any of Mr. Lynch's films but many people have stated that if you want your mind blown, watch his movies.

Recommended ones are:

ERASERHEAD (1977)

BLUE VELVET (1986)

MULHOLLAND DRIVE (2001)

Well, I guess that's that for films that will blow your mind. Broaden your film range and watch all the classics.

Butt Fucking Movie of the Week: Gangster No 1

First off, I've got to say, this movie is my fucking favourite movie of all time! If your watching the trailer above don't be mislead by the casino like music. This is no comedy. Its dark. Dark and disturbing as hell. Watching it is, quite frankly , like going into the mind of a sadistic psychopath. The story is as such, it starts in the present day of 1999 of that time and shows Malcolm McDowell as the unnamed Gangster. He finds out that his mentor, Freddie Mays (David Thewlis) is getting released from prison. Malcolm McDowell brings us back to 1969 where he narrates the story of the then young Gangster (Paul Bettany) and his rise to power where he is.

The plots simple enough but the characters are complex. The relationship between Freddie and the Gangster is thrilling to watch as well as understanding the Gangsters persona. After watching I found myself taking his character apart, trying to figure out bits and pieces. Until today.

The one ilk I had with the film was that I thought whenever McDowell came on screen, his acting seemed a bit over the top and forced. But as a narrator, he was fucking brilliant. Every line, you could hear the madness in it. Even if McDowell is the main star, Bettany steals the show with his stellar performance. Acting is all in the eyes. Seriously, when I was watching this film, it was the only time that I was truly freaked out by a movie character. Paul Bettany just nails it. If Paul Bettany with a hatchet, bursts through my door, I would have shit my pants, I kid you not. Why he wasn't nominated for an Oscar I'll never know.. Paul Thewlis also showed some brilliant acting as well as Saffron Burrows as Karen, Freddie's girl friend.

Well, you'd have to say that my favourite scene was the part where the Gangster watches as Lenny's thugs ambush Mays and his girlfriend. Gleefully watching by the sidelines as McDowell narrates sadistically. Another favourite of mine is when the Gangster finally takes Freddie's empty seat on the couch while hailing, 'The King is Dead. Long live the King'. And of course, the scene where the Gangster kills Lenny all shown through Lenny's POV. You can almost feel the agony of each blow and stab.

Watch the video above to understand what I meant by McDowell doing a fucking brilliant narrating and Paul Bettany doing some serious acting. The scene where the Gangster kills Lenny.

Favourite quote: 'What do you take me for? A fucking cunt?' said by Malcolm McDowell while breaking the fourth wall.

The film received very little recognition as it was only released in very very limited cinemas. Try and track this fine piece of film down and you will not be disappointed.

All The Movies I Own

Just doing a little inventory check on every movie I own; on DVD and on hard drive

(1) On DVD:

The Mist (2007) New York New York (1977) Funny People (2009) Paranormal Activity (2009) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) Rec2 (2009) Survival of the Dead (2009) Daybreakers (2009) The French Connection (1971) The Onion Movie (2008) Blade 2 (2002) Kick Ass (2010) Solomon Kane (2009) The Losers (2010) The Hangover (2009) Zombieland (2009) The Brothers Bloom (2009) Up In The Air (2009) Extract (2009)

No Country For Old Men (2007) Natural Born Killers (1994) Reservoir Dogs (1991) The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966) Boiling Point (1990) Platoon (1986) Taxi Driver (1976) Training Day (2001) Moon (2009) Reno 911: Miami (2007) Heat (1995) Observe and Report (2009) Rec (2007) The Usual Suspects (1997) The Godfather: Part One (1972) Leon (1994) A Fistful of Dollars (1964) Supersize Me (2004)

In Brudges (2008) Bowling for Columbine (2002) The Soloist (2009) Stepbrothers (2008) Lars and the Real Girl (2007) Tropic Thunder (2008) 3:10 To Yuma (2007) Armored (2009) Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007) Gangs of New York (2002) Gran Torino (2008) Taken (2009) American History X (1998) For A Few More Dollars (1965) An Officer and a Gentleman (1982) The English Patient (1996) Clerks (1994)

Snatch (2001) City of God (2003) Three Kings (1999) South Park (1999) On The Waterfront (1954) Raging Bull (1980) What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993) Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid (1969) Dances of the Wolves (1990) Good Morning Vietnam (1987) Ben Hur (1959) The Eagle Has Landed (1976) Pulp Fiction (1994) Afro Samurai (2005) Fight Club (1999) True Romance (1993) Mad Max (1979) The Hurt Locker (2009)

Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2010) Gangster No.1 (2000) Taintlight (2009) Shutter Island (2010) Bonnie and Clyde (1967) Oldboy (2003) A Few Good Men (1992) The Invention of Lying (2009) The Killing Fields (1984) Adventureland (2009) Inglourious Basterds (2009) Buffalo Soldiers (2001) Kill Bill: Volume 1 (2003) Blade Runner (1982) Identity (2003) Sin City (2005) Seven (1995) Once Upon A Time In The West (1968)

25th Hour (2002) Full Metal Jacket (1987) Deer Hunter (1978) Dog Day Afternoon (1975) Burn After Reading (2008) Patton (1970) 2001: A Space Odyssey (1967) Ghost Town (2009) Frost Nixon (2008) Casablanca (1943) Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2009) Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008) Fifth Element (1997) Bruno (2009) 500 Days Of Summer (2009) The Boy In The Striped Pajamas (2008) Road Trip (2000)

Euro Trip (2004) Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) Outlaw (2007) Diary of the Dead (2007) The Magnificient Seven (1960)

(2) On Hard Drive:

JCVD (2008) A Better Tomorrow (1986) A Fish Called Wanda (1988) American Psycho (2001) An American Werewolf in London (1981) Animal House (1978) Bound (1996) Braindead (1992) Brazil (1985) Chariots of Fire (1981) Chasing Amy (1997) Chinatown (1974) Citizen Kane (1941) Dead Snow (2009) District B13 (2004) Dogma (1999) Dr Strangelove (1964) Easy Rider (1969) Ed Wood (1994) Equilibrium (2001)

Family Guy: The Stewie Griffin Story (2005) Family Guy Presents Something Something Of The Dark Side (2009) Fantastic Planet (1973) Fargo (1996) Fast Times At Ridgemont High (1982) Girl With A Pearl Earring (2003) Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? (1955) Hard Boiled (1991) Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) Idiocracy (2006) I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988) Into The Wild (2007) Irreversible (2002) Jackie Brown (1997)

K-Pax (2001) Let The Right One In (2008) Mean Machine (2001) Miller's Crossing (1990) Misery (1990) Monty Python and the Life of Brian (1979) Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) Office Space (1999) One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest (1975) Out Of Africa (1985) Path of Glory (1957) Pi (1998) Point Break (1991) Primer (2004) Say Anything (1989) Schindler's List (1993) Seven Samurai (1954) Sid and Nancy (1986)

Sixteen Candles (1984) Sophie Scholl (2005) The Jerk (1979) The Squid and the Whale (2005) The Big Lebowski (1998) The Blair Witch Project (1999) The Graduate (1967) The Killings (1956) The Maltese Falcon (1941) The Princess Bride (1986) The Wild Bunch (1969) This Is England (2006) This Is Spinal Tap (1984) Trainspotting (1996)

Note: The list does not include all movies watched on other medium (cinema or TV) or else the list would be too impossibly long.

Plus, not all films mentioned are included in my favourites. Most, yes. But not all.

Internet Slang

I'm not a big advocate of internet slang. I use them sporadically to sound like 'lol' or 'wtf' or 'ttyl'but it just ends there. New internet slang is introduced every day and some, no. most are retarded and should not be used at all.

ZOMG: What the fuck does the 'Z' mean? OMG I can comprehend, even OMFG, but ZOMG? OMG is used to convey surprise or to sound excited about something even though you don't really feel excited or surprise at the moment, just depressed with the financial state of the world and global warming as well as the failures of government intervention. ZOMG? Maybe it means.. No. It does not mean jack shit.

LOLX: Like OMG, LOL I can comprehend, but LOLX? Please explain what the 'X' is? Is it Xtreme? Does it fucking mean Xtreme? Laughing Out Loud Xtreme? Boy, have we reached the epitome of human existence. Pass me the can of beans would you Johnny?

IMHO: When I first heard IMO, I was like WTF and then my friend said it meant In My Opinion and I was like OMG, FYI thats cool. People on boards like to use IMO to ascertain that their critical view is 'their' opinion and you cannot attack it because what the person is being critical of is his/her opinion and nobody else is to shit on it. Adding an Honest is unnecessary.. We already know its your opinion and now you want us to know its 'your' fucking 'honest' opinion? Do you assume that we think you are lying about your opinion or think you're a dishonest dick. Imagine if George Washington used it when he was asked if he chopped down the cherry tree.

George Washington: I cut down the cherry tree for I cannot tell a lie IMHO

That's just fucking stupid. Stop being stupid.

ROFL: LOL is okay but ROFL is just exaggerating it. Rolling On Floor Laughing? Seriously? Are you fucking ROFL when you hear something funny. No! Your a lying piece of shit that's what! Just say 'Haha, that's funny' What the fuck does saying ROFL justify? Its like saying your taking a shit but taking a pee instead. Thats blasphemous. Stop that blasphemy. You are going to hell.

FTW: This is just confusing. Sometimes you can see FTW in people's Facebook statuses but they could either mean For The Win or Fuck The World. One is a happy utterance the other is a fuck-you-I-hate-everything-including-you-I'm-emo-now-fuck-it-gonna-masturbate-now kinda expression. Why make two expressions exists in one slang? Who the fuck comes out with this stuff?

GG: Simply means Good Game and the slang arised from online gaming where a player would politely ascertain GG as a gesture of politeness. However, people in Malaysia seem to use it for the wrong reasons in real life. If something bad or unexpected happens, they say, 'Oh-uh, GG'

Fred: Shit, I put in the wrong answer for question 4

Whomever: GG

Fred: Huh?

CONCLUSION: Stop using watered down expressions. As if expressing yourself using your own terminology is hard enough. I might sound bitter in my writing but that's because I'm preparing myself for old age. Mastering bitter makes the whole world suck less. I don't understand what I just wrote in that last sentence.

Butt Fucking Movie of the Week: Memento

Since Inception is coming up soon, why not hype up your anticipation for the movie by watching Christopher Nolan's best movie he ever made and one of my all time favourite movies, Memento.

Memento would seem like a simple story of revenge. Leonard Shelby (Guy Pearce) is on a path of vengeance. Chasing after a guy, by the name of John G. who entered his house, assaulted him and killed and raped his wife. But this is where it gets interesting. From the attack, Leonard develops anterograde amnesia which impairs his ability to store memories of recent events. Meaning the only thing that he can remember long term is things that happened during the attack and before it. After the attack, he only has short term memory of everything. He can meet somebody then forget he ever met them shortly after. In order to keep track of new memories, he tattoos his body with the information to remember. Like in the video below. The black and white scenes in Memento are my favourite as it gives the film a flair and it keeps you thinking how it fits in the timeline.

Interesting enough? Well, it gets better. The movie is shown in a reverse chronological order. Which means, the movie starts at the end and ends at the beginning. Its going backwards.

In short, one of the most complex movies you will ever watch that will keep your brain working towards the end (or beginning). Its purely a smart movie. There's a twist within Memento. Even though it starts at the end, the twist is only revealed at the beginning which is at the movies end. And I never saw it coming. Its brilliant and (oh fuck, its a pun coming up) memorable.

I would hate to give out a hint of the twist but it has something to do with self deception and self satisfaction.

If Nolan had a style, I'd say he likes to make films that are psychological and have a certain amount of outlook on the human mind. Why we act the way we do. Specifically, why we act in a way that would destroy ourselves. We opt against what benefits us. If I were a Psychology professor I would recommend this movie to my students and then again if I were a Psychology professor, I'd have sex with some of the hot girl students. Its a known fact. Every university professor has sex with their students. A fact we learn from porn.

Inception (July 14th)

Inception is coming out in 9 more days! Therefore I give you the third trailer which pretty much explains the premise for the movie which was under a blanket of secrecy.

For the uninitiated, why Inception is such an anticipated film is because of the people backing up this film. We've got one of the greatest modern directors of this time, Christopher Nolan, director of awesome flicks like Memento, The Prestige and the Batman movies having full control over the film and an A-list team comprising of Leonardo DiCaprio, Ken Watanabe, Michael Caine, Cillian Murphy, Joseph Gordon Levitt and Ellen Page.

Its coming out the same month as the shit stained Eclipse too, so we get to see that crap of a film get its brains fucked up at the box office.

Once a year, a film will come along that absolutely blows your mind. I think this might be it.