DRAGON AGE ORIGINS: As Told By A Blind Poet (Part One)

In the city of Denerim, an elf by the name of Mars

Lives within the walls of the Alienage

The slums of the city, beyond the veil of Andraste and her stars

A wedding awaits, betrothed to a fellow elf

But tragedy befalls as the son of a noble wisks the bride away

A rescue is mounted and Mars with sword and sandal

Slayed the waste into the fray

Trouble awaits those that taste noble blood on their hands

Mars would share the fate of a mother

The tale of legends, a Grey Warden stands

None other than Warden Commander Duncan

Through the Rights of Conscription, Mars is saved

And would journey to Ostagar, entering the Joining

Surviving the darkspawn taint, the sigma of a Warden is engraved

Mars has become a Grey Warden

And is told of the Blight, an evil that would destroy Ferelden

Trouble brews in the tents of King Cailan

For his trusted general, Loghain would rather see him burn

A quest is taken, to search for the lost Grey Warden treaties

Treaties kept within the Koncari Wilds

Where the Witch of the Wilds awaits with her beasties

With guidance from the mysterious Flemeth and alluring Morrigan

Are the treaties found to aid the battle against the Blight

King Cailan riles up the troops before the stand against the darkspawn

The Archedemon would be defeated in the darkest night

At the Battle of Ostagar, the darkspawn attack

Loghain betrays the King and leaves Cailan to die

The south of Ferelden is engulfed in the taint of black

The Wardens are slaughtered and so is their King

But two remain and out of the ashes they survived

Alistair and Mars, the last of the Wardens

Take upon themselves to fight the evil that has arrived

The two Wardens, treaties in hand

Head to the three factions, Elves, Dwarves and Humans

To ensure their part in protecting Ferelden's lands

Accompanied by Morrigan on the behest of her mother

Do this heroic party journey to Lothering

A small settlement filled with refugees from the south

Fleeing the tainted flooding

There, Mars would meet his future lover, Leliana

Buttfucking Movie of the Week: The Big Lebowski

When the Coen Brothers do comedy, you know for sure its gonna be funny as hell. The Big Lebowski has all the Coen Brothers comedy trademarks; eccentric characters, absorbing plot, quotable lines, dream like scenes, profanity and of course, John Turturro who has appeared in 3 of the Coen Brothers movies. The film has an ensemble cast of stars including the amazing Jeff Bridges as the slacker Jeff 'The Dude' Lebowski, John Goodman as Walter, Steve Buscemi as Donny, Julliane Moore, Phillip Seymour Huffman, cool as fuck Sam Elliot and err.. Tara Reid.

The plot concerns a case of mistaken identity as debt collectors enter Jeff's house demanding that he pay money owed to Jackie Treehorn, wealthy pornographer and loan shark. The person the thugs were really looking for was Jeffrey 'Big' Lebowski, multi millionarre. Jeff goes to see Jeffrey over the cas that the thugs that confronted him peed on his rug and Jeff politely asks Big Lebowski to compensate him. During the course of Jeff visiting Jeffrey's house, he meets Bunny Lebowski, Jeffrey's trophy young wife.

What happens next, Bunny goes missing, Big Lebowski gets ransom note, Big Lebowski contacts the Dude asking him to facilitate the ransom drop. Things get out of hand with the Dude, Walter and Donny picking up the pieces but all they want to do is win the local championship bowling tournament.

And then there's John Turturro playing bowling rival Jesus, proclaiming the immortal line, 'Don't fuck with the Jesus'. Seriously, I have to get that as a bumper sticker.



The Dude is one of the most memorable characters in a movie. He's kind of like half a real person and half a cartoon character with a lot of bad shit coming his way. He's just an average guy that just wants to live the world by his own rules. For a better description, The Dude lacks any ambition whatsoever because he's happy with the way it is. He has a crappy car, a non-existent job and a house without a rug and yet, he's happy and doesn't care. While Jeff Bridges was extraordinary as the Dude, the real scene stealer is John Goodman's Walter who's bigger than life itself personality just grabs your attention. Walter is the fucking man as you can see from the two videos below. In the second video, the profanity is cut out and replaced with a dub which sucks but I can't find another video of this scene anywhere else. In the original film, he says, 'This is what happens Larry, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger up in the ass'. Fuck and ass are censored which is retarded.





Finally, there's Sam Elliot as the narrator and Sam Elliot does what Same Elliot does best, talk in a deep resonant voice sporting that trademark thick horseshoe moustache.



If your looking for a fun film to watch with memorable characters, memorable moments, awesome dialogue that you'll be quoting for years to come and a dash of Coen Brothers style humour, watch the Big Lebowski.

Shut the fuck up Donny!

OSK Investment Challenge

This Wednesday, the OSK Investment Challenge kicked off. For those that don't know what OSKIC is, its a competition where participants from universities around Malaysia compete for the top portfolio in the stock market based on Bursa with virtual money. Let me tell ya one thing. I am shit in this. I started out with $100000 capital and have lost nearly $4000.

The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation. It's bullshit. You got ninety percent of the American public out there with little or no net worth. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal. The news, war, peace, famine, upheaval, the price per paper clip. We pick that rabbit out of the hat while everybody sits out there wondering how the hell we did it. Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy? It's the free market. And you're a part of it. You've got that killer instinct. Stick around pal, I've still got a lot to teach you.

And that my friends is a quote by Gordon Gekko, played by Michael Douglas in the movie Wall Street for which he won an Oscar for Best Actor. I am that 90%. I am part of the general public. Royally fucked in the ass by the rich.

You see that building? I bought that building ten years ago. My first real estate deal. Sold it two years later, made an $800,000 profit. It was better than sex. At the time I thought that was all the money in the world. Now it's a day's pay.

I want to be Gordon Gekko. I want to make his kind of money and not get caught. I want to be the one fucking people over. Not the one's getting fucked in the first place. Can I be that guy? To have no conscience, no guilt and with only profits and money on my mind.

It's not a question of enough, pal. It's a zero sum game, somebody wins, somebody loses. Money itself isn't lost or made, it's simply transferred from one perception to another.

I've only made a profit on 4 stocks so far, and the rest have gone into the red. And the profits weren't really extraordinary. The losses were. And that sucked balls. As of now, I just want to get the certificate for 75% game time. Getting into the top ten zone is way beyond reach with those wankers racking in 20000 increases in value. I'm no Gordon Gekko, just a regular man making average time.

I am not a destroyer of companies. I am a liberator of them! The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much.

Buttfucking Movie of the Week: A Clockwork Orange

I love this film. The plot, Malcolm McDowell, the dialogue, the setting, the satrical nature, Beethoven, the choreography and of course the inappropriate use of Singing in the Rain. In my opinion, my favourite Stanley Kubrick film.

Set in the not too distant future, the film explores the decay of society and in this instance it focuses on Alex (Malcolm McDowell) and his gang as they engage in the sport of ultra violence, rape, killing an elderly woman with a statue penis (only happens once and is disturbingly funny) and drinking drug laced milk. In the first half, the film takes on a heavy satrical feel that aims to produce the sort of life that society hopes to become. When Alex gets arrested and sent to jail for murder, the government uses Alex in their experiment to eliminate his sexual and violent desires. The Ludovico technique. He is presented as a cured individual and released into the world. But the treatment didn't eliminate his sexual and violent desires, merely transferring a bout of pain if he has a sexual or violent thought. The second part of the film goes into darker territory and asks the question: How does a cured violent and disturbed gentleman handle himself in a world that embraces violence?

Embedding has been disabled by the user so I can only provide links to these scenes:

Alex Shows His Droogs He's Still The Leader

This is quite possibly my favourite scene from A Clockwork Orange as it shows the captivating Kubrick style of directing that really makes it an art of its own. The one major thing I liked from A Clockwork Orange was the dialogue. It was Alex's made up slang and is quite infectious. Listening to them talk had me trying to copy it.

Gang Fight

The fight between the two gangs is one that crosses the absurd. And all to the playings of classical greats.

A Clockwork Orange is a very deep film that requires you to intepret certain scenes and not see them as they are. Sure, there's plenty of violence, nudity and sex but the film requires you to look beyond them. Its not just about those three things. This film is the answer to moral decay, an answer to society's answer to moral decay and an answer to the governments answer to moral decay. On top of that, the film is poetic at times and parallels to Shakepeare.

It has also been referenced in countless songs, tv shows, films, videogames and even Heath Ledger based his portrayal of the Joker on Alex.

A Clockwork Orange is a classic that stands the test of time and is Kubrick's as well as McDowell's best.

Artists I'd Like To See Perform In Malaysia

After watching Coheed and Cambria perform in Malaysia last week, here are some other artists I'd like to see perfrom in Malaysia.

WHITE STRIPES

POETS OF THE FALL

REGINA SPEKTOR

THE PIXIES

ROB ZOMBIE

THE SUBMARINES

SHOUT OUT LOUDS

SMASHING PUMPKINS

CRASH KINGS

THE DEAD WEATHER

DEVOTCHKA

DETHKLOK

EAGLES OF DEATH METAL

FLOGGING MOLLY
FLORENCE AND THE MACHINES

THE FRAY

THE HIVES

MARIANAS TRENCH
MOTLEY CRUE
MOTHER MOTHER

MOTORHEAD

MURDER BY DEATH OZZY OSBOURNERACOUNTEURS RICK FOWLERROLLING STONESSTEPPENWOLF TENACIOUS D VAMPIRE WEEKEND

Coheed and Cambria Concert in Malaysia

I took that picture. That's how close I was to Coheed and Cambria. It was fucking AWESOME!! But it was such a waste.. I have no idea what was wrong with the camera but I got a lot of blur pictures. One I'm regretting is this:

Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with the camera?! Who cares? I got to meet Coheed and Cambria up front, shook their hands and they signed my fucking hat!! Claudio Sanchez signed my hat!!

I went with Ridzuan and we listened to the best of Coheed and Cambria along the way to the venue; KL Live. Although it could be at somewhere better, but having the concert at KL Live gave us the opportunity to get up close to the band and with only a few people attending, everyone got to meet the band up close and personal.

A local band by the name Love Me Butch warmed up the stage for half an hour and they were quite good. Might look them up. They left the stage for C&C and everyone including me were screaming out their name.

The stage went dark.

Lasers danced across the stage as their instrumental song One played in the background. Then.. like an uber explosion to your balls, the lights blasts forth and Claudio belts out the beginning to the song Broken. They played Here We Are Juggernaut, Time Consumer, World of Lines, Three Evils, No World For Tomorrow, The Suffering and A Favor House Atlantic during the 1st half. The crowd in the middle were going wild with mosh pits and hardcore dancing.

Me? I was jumping up and down like a loony singing along to the lyrics while taking blurry fucked up pictures.

The first high point of the concert was when they played the epic In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3 where everyone was screaming out the chorus.

The second high point came at the last song. Everyone was yelling out, 'WELCOME HOME!!' again and again. Claudio first went, 'This is going to be our last song' and Travis went, 'And we're gonna give you what you want'

Claudio plays the beginning guitar riff of their most famous song Welcome Home and everybody, everybody went fucking wild. That was the song that introduced me to Coheed and Cambria and the most epic one under their belt and it seemed fitting to play it last.

The fucked up blurred pic with Ridzuan shaking Claudio's hand. He was supposed to take a pic of me as well, but the security kept pushing Ridzuan out of the way. Fucking anal cunts.. I guess you could say that the pictures were so blurry because my hands were shaking like ice on the water. I was in their awesome presence.

If I could go back in time to any point in my life, this would be it.

Crackdown 2: Renegade Agility Orbs

Crackdown 2 is a fun game to play but the Renegade Agility Orbs.. Nothing frustrates me more than those orbs. Fucking sons of bitches. For those of you that aren't a gaming geek, agility orbs increase your agility level in Crackdown. Increasing your levels makes you jump higher than Gary Oldman in Sid and Nancy and the last level unlocks the awesome Agency chopper. Crackdown had orbs that didn't move. It was an addiction to get all the orbs. I guess for Crackdown 2, some anal cunt asshole decided, 'Hey, lets make orbs that run away from you'

There still are the classic agility orbs that stay put but for additional bonuses, there's 30 Renegade Agility Orbs. Here are some responses to renegade orb collecting word by word.

Response #1: WHAT THE FUCK!! HOW THE FUCK??!! HOW THE FUCK DID THAT ORB TURN AT THE LAST FUCKING MINUTE??!! AT THE LAST FUUUUUUCKING MINUTE!!! AAAAARRRRRGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Response #2: CUNT! FUCKING CUNT! MOTHERFUCKING GRRRRRRAAAAAARGHHH CUUUUUUUNT!!!!!!!

Response #3: This is fucked.. This is fucking retarded.. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKK!!!!

Response #4: If I don't get it within the next hour, fuck that motherfucker [after an hour] MOTHERFUCKER!!!! CATCH THAT FUCKING ORB!!!

Response #5: [Punches wildly in the air]

Response #6: [Pulls out hair while gritting teeth]

Response #7: I go up, it fucking comes down, I go fucking down, it fucking goes back up. One more try.. FUCKING CUNT!!!! CUNT!!!! CUNT!!!! [Punches wildly in air]

It's giving me stomach ulcers and yet I MUST get all the Renegade Agility Orbs...